1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:04,755
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪

2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,342
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪

3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,595
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪

4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,806
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:18,310
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

6
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,772
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪

7
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,315
♪ All the things that make us ♪

8
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,234
♪ Laugh and cry ♪

9
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:30,113
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

10
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,745
Mom, are we there yet?

11
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:37,955
Almost, Chris.

12
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,039
Now remember, kids,

13
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,749
when we get to
Mr. Quagmire's cabin,

14
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:41,875
don't touch anything

15
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,585
before I have a chance
to disinfect it.

16
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:44,753
Boy, it was nice
of Quagmire

17
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,463
to let us use
his place.

18
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,215
This'll be much better
than that vacation we took

19
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,842
with the Price Is Right yodeler.

20
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,009
(yodeling)

21
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,427
Okay, you can stop here.

22
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,055
There's no way that microwave
cost more than 300 bucks.

23
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,723
Stop here. Don't listen
to that fat tourist.

24
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,226
She doesn't know how much
a microwave costs. Stop!

25
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,645
(tuba plays sad notes)

26
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,815
Ah, we should have gone
to Plinko like Cleveland.

27
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,067
(laughing)

28
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:12,531
(dejected):
Oh...

29
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,790
Wow, Quagmire's got
a nice place.

30
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:22,875
(sighs)

31
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,252
This is gonna be
a relaxing weekend.

32
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,593
(music playing)

33
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,682
(thudding)

34
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,100
Hey, did you hear
something?

35
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,476
I think it came
from upstairs.

36
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,439
(martial arts yelling)

37
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,867
Oh... hey.

38
00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:00,162
Uh, this the week
you guys were coming up?

39
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,624
Beautiful country,
isn't it, Chris?

40
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,376
God, it is peaceful,
no question, Dad.

41
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,337
Just be careful
'cause they got a lot

42
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,880
of big ol' wilderness
bugs out here.

43
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,507
(buzzing)

44
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:12,674
(effeminate voice):
Oh, hey.

45
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,092
Y'all best
be careful

46
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,385
or I'm gonna sting you
with my stinger.

47
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,221
Oh, no!

48
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,640
But then I's gonna
die if I sting you.

49
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,849
You know what?

50
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,768
I'm not gonna sting
y'all after all.

51
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,521
And that's my choice.
Y'all ain't worth it.

52
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,481
I'm just gonna head on
over to that flower

53
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,899
and suck on
that stamen

54
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,151
like there's
no tomorrow.

55
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,153
Brian, how many years
have I been saying

56
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,613
you and I should
go berry-picking?

57
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:35,864
A lot of years, Stewie.

58
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,115
Wait a minute.

59
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,575
Do you know where
we are, Brian?

60
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327
This is a very
special place.

61
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,080
They say once every hundred
years in this spot,

62
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,624
Donny Most rises
from the mist.

63
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,000
I think that's
just a legend.

64
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,419
That's because you're...
(gasps) Look!

65
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:56,468
(angelic voices):
♪ Donny Most, Donny Most ♪

66
00:02:57,094 --> 00:03:04,059
♪ He was Ralph on Happy Days ♪

67
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:12,317
♪ Donny Most, Donny Most ♪

68
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:19,950
♪ Now he rises from the haze ♪

69
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,371
Actually,
it's Don Most now.

70
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:31,420
♪ Donny Most, Donny Most ♪

71
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:35,132
♪ Sunday, Monday ♪

72
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:41,430
♪ Happy... Days. ♪

73
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,226
All right,
here's a little tune

74
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,563
inspired by one of the great
legends of the Old West.

75
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:53,567
(country western song plays)

76
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,069
♪ Well, there once
were two cowboys ♪

77
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,655
♪ All alone out on the trail ♪

78
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:03,202
♪ And they discovered they could
sleep with another male ♪

79
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,078
♪ Now they're having gay sex ♪

80
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,875
♪ Cowboy gay sex ♪

81
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,756
♪ Sodomy-ee... ♪

82
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,633
Come on, everybody.

83
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:22,262
♪ Sodomy-ee... ♪

84
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:26,058
♪ Sodomy-ee. ♪

85
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:29,770
Sodomy.

86
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,233
And when he woke up
in the morning,

87
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,526
she was still in his bed!

88
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,653
(screams)

89
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,404
That's it?

90
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:40,489
Yeah.

91
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,907
And then she wanted
to make him eggs.

92
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,408
(screams)

93
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:44,952
And he said, "Oh,
I don't have time."

94
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,495
I've got a meeting
at 12:30."

95
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,788
And she said, "I'll
drive you there."

96
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,039
(screams)

97
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,916
And he said, "No, no,
it's at my office.

98
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,042
It's, like,
a half-hour commute."

99
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,293
And she said,
"I don't mind.

100
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,837
It's on the way
to my kid's preschool."

101
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,257
(screaming)

102
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,721
Hey, hey, Lois,
look at me.

103
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,181
I got postpartum
depression.

104
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:10,352
Wah! I'm sad
about stuff! Wah!

105
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,896
You son of a bitch,
don't even joke about that!

106
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,690
This water feels kind of funny.

107
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,358
Yeah, and it smells bad.

108
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,484
(shrieks)

109
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,694
Dad, look!

110
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,987
Holy crap!

111
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,072
(all screaming)

112
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,702
Oh, my God, what the hell
is wrong with this lake?!

113
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,245
I think it's
a safe bet

114
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,371
that that's
responsible.

115
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,961
So they can just dump
their waste into the lake?

116
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,462
This can't be legal.

117
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,047
What kind
of world is this

118
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,884
where you can't even trust
the oil companies anymore.

119
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,218
Hey, you've got a tattoo.

120
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,595
No, I don't.
Is that Ziggy?

121
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,679
No.

122
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,763
You have
a Ziggy tattoo?

123
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,848
Aw, geez.

124
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,391
Why do you have
a Ziggy tattoo?

125
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,560
I just used to think...

126
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:52,769
he was kind of funny.

127
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,521
We should, uh, we should
get to the hospital.

128
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,404
Mom, how long do we have
to wear these wigs?

129
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,198
Until our hair
grows back, Chris.

130
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950
Dad, you couldn't have gotten us
anything more stylish?

131
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,493
Oh, I don't think it's so bad.

132
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,620
I feel rather like Mozart.

133
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,413
Hey, Stewie, play Haydn.

134
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,790
(plays tune skillfully)

135
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,959
(all laughing)

136
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,294
Now play Handel.

137
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,716
(all laughing)

138
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,176
Play Peter Griffin.

139
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,930
Ah, now that is a challenge.

140
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,641
(playing plodding melody)

141
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,520
(all laughing)

142
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,689
(farting)

143
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,026
Go ahead, mock me.

144
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,529
But it wasn't Stewie
who was laughing at me.

145
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,905
It was God.

146
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,033
(Mozart's "Requiem" plays)

147
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,038
What can I do for you,
Mrs. Griffin?

148
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,083
Mayor West, I'm here
as an outraged citizen.

149
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,626
The Quahog Oil Refinery

150
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,671
is emptying all their toxic
waste into the lake.

151
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,798
I mean, you couldn't possibly
have sanctioned

152
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,300
that kind of blatant
industrial pollution, could you?

153
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,511
Yeah, I told 'em it was fine.
What?

154
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,681
And in return,
I get free oil for my hair.

155
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,100
Hey, baby, want
to take a gander

156
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,810
at some Adam West penis?

157
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,728
This is unbelievable!

158
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:19,356
Well, I am not gonna stand by
while you let this town

159
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,858
be destroyed by corruption.

160
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,402
Mr. Mayor, I promise you this:

161
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,487
Next election,
I'm gonna run against you

162
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,239
and I'm gonna win.

163
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,740
All right,
Mrs. Griffin,

164
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,325
you want to take
me on? Fine.

165
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:31,702
But if you plan
to beat me,

166
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,786
you'll have to...
(gasps)

167
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,246
What is it?

168
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,123
(whispering): A bee just flew in
through the window.

169
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,291
Don't move.

170
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,458
(buzzing)

171
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,836
Hmm, now look who's mayor.

172
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:44,214
First order of business,
free honey for everyone.

173
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:48,302
Yay, Mayor Bee, Mayor Bee!
Mayor Bee! Ow!

174
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,095
Oh, done stung myself.

175
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:52,139
Bye, world.

176
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,645
Good evening, Quahog.
I'm Tom Tucker.

177
00:07:58,729 --> 00:07:59,980
And I'm Diane Simmons.

178
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,024
The Quahog mayoral race
is heating up.

179
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,276
with incumbent
Adam West squaring off

180
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,069
against challenger
Lois Griffin.

181
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,529
Which leads many
political analysts

182
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822
to ask the question,

183
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,282
"Can a woman
really be mayor,

184
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,409
or will she just
menstruate all over the city?"

185
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,702
Stay with us.

186
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,081
Oh, you guys,
I can't tell you

187
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,292
how much I appreciate
all your hard work.

188
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,544
It's really gonna make
a difference with my campaign.

189
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:23,962
Hey, Lois,
take a look.

190
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,048
I just made 500
T-shirts that say

191
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,383
"Vote for Lois,
unless you're queer.

192
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:30,344
No, wait,
even if you're queer.

193
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,637
No Jews though.

194
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,013
Okay, Jews."

195
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:37,142
(nervously): Oh... These are
wonderful, sweetie.

196
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,685
Chris, why don't you
put these upstairs

197
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,562
in your closet
so we don't lose them?

198
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,898
But the evil monkey
lives in my closet.

199
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,733
Of course,
he hasn't been as evil

200
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,109
since he became
a Jehovah's Witness.

201
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:56,828
(doorbell rings)

202
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,956
(door opens)
Hi, I'm going door-to-door

203
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,916
to campaign on behalf
of Lois Griffin

204
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:04,002
who's offering real change
for the city of Quahog.

205
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:06,088
May we count on your vote
next Tuesday?

206
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,298
Chris, this is our house.

207
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,717
Ah, then what is for dinner?

208
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,803
Pork chops.
Excellent.

209
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,680
Chris, have you been
to any other houses?

210
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,014
I have not.

211
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,891
Would you like to come in?
Please.

212
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,061
This is Tom Tucker

213
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,729
with some breaking
election coverage.

214
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,565
Mayor Adam West has
widened his lead

215
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,316
over challenger Lois Griffin.

216
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,485
I'm confident that
the people of Quahog

217
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,945
will make the right choice.

218
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,406
And here to help me secure
the Latino vote

219
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,366
is actor Jimmy Smits.

220
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:37,452
Adam West likes to eat food
that's grilled in foil.

221
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:38,871
(all exclaiming)

222
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,163
That's our guy.

223
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:46,170
Boy, this election's
gonna be a tight one.

224
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,422
It's probably gonna be decided
by just a couple of votes.

225
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:49,840
And here we
are sitting here

226
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,009
like a bunch of lazy,
paraplegic cops.

227
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,802
Huh?
I'm sorry, Joe.

228
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,179
It's just an expression.
Ah.

229
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,347
We got to give Lois
a last-minute edge.

230
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,933
Guys, I need you to help
out on the campaign.

231
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,436
Oh, man, that's like
making all, like, signs,

232
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,062
and walking around or what?

233
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,398
You know, you bastards
got a stake in this, too.

234
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,775
I mean, Lois is my wife,
and if she's the mayor

235
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,777
we can pretty much do
whatever the hell we want.

236
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,821
I could do cocaine
if I wanted to.

237
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:14,448
Peter, you want
some potatoes?

238
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,824
Yeah, how you doin'?

239
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:17,117
I was just asking
if you wanted...

240
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,243
We got enough napkins?

241
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,536
Yeah, we got
enough napkins.

242
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,871
That's enough.
That's enough right there.

243
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,999
(breathes deeply):
What time is it?

244
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,792
Is this-Is this straight?
Is this straight right there?

245
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,711
Look, wait, see...
I'll fix it.

246
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,838
No, no... Is this straight?
I can't tell...

247
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,340
(screams)

248
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,591
Meg, sweep that up.

249
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,967
Get-Get a broom, sweep that up.
Sweep that up.

250
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:35,886
Put it in your room,
but sweep it up first.

251
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:43,268
Suspect number two,
he's the one who raped me.

252
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:46,188
All right, all but number
two are free to leave.

253
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,940
Ma'am, I know that
you're going through

254
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,733
a difficult time right now,

255
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,527
but I just have
a few more questions.

256
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:52,945
Are you planning
to vote tomorrow?

257
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,196
What?

258
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,406
Are you aware that
Lois Griffin has a plan

259
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:59,284
to cut property tax in half
over the next three years?

260
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:01,495
What does that have to do
with what happened to me?

261
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,121
Well, you say
number two did it,

262
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:06,291
maybe I say I smell
alcohol on your breath.

263
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,918
You can't do that!

264
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,546
Sounds like Lois Griffin
can count on your vote.

265
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,132
Hi. When you go to vote
for mayor tomorrow,

266
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,843
please vote for Lois Griffin.

267
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,886
That's right.
I work at a deli

268
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,596
and I know baloney.

269
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,348
And that's exactly
what you'll get

270
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,933
with Mayor Adam West.

271
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,853
Ooh, sa-nap!

272
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,899
Boy, you guys,
I really appreciate

273
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:32,192
all the help
you've been giving us.

274
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:34,236
Except for you, Quagmire,
you ain't done nothing.

275
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,779
What the hell are you
talking about?

276
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,240
Lois is gonna get the entire
female vote 'cause of me.

277
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,450
I've been having sex
with every woman in town

278
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,661
nonstop for
the past two days.

279
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,788
You know how many sperm
I got left? One.

280
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,790
He's all alone in there
and he's scared, all right?

281
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,709
He's scared.
Ha.

282
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,756
Welcome, Quahog,
to the town hall mayoral debate

283
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,552
between incumbent Adam West
and challenger Lois Griffin.

284
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,054
We will now open up
the floor to questions

285
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,098
from a community at large.

286
00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:05,642
Yes, Mrs. Griffin,
how do you feel

287
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:09,062
about those computer websites
that put a blue square

288
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:11,273
on the home of a sex offender?

289
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,025
Well, the safety of our children

290
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,694
is a very important part
of my plan for Quahog.

291
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,696
I have a 12-point program
for the security of...

292
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,740
(gong clashes)

293
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,617
I'm sorry, your time is up.

294
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,535
(crowd murmuring)

295
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,329
No, no, no, no,
I'm not impressed.

296
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,580
I'm not impressed,
not yet.

297
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,540
Mayor West, if reelected,

298
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:31,001
would you increase the frequency
of garbage pickup?

299
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,086
Well, citizen,
that's an excellent question

300
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,505
and I thank you for it.

301
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,673
I think it's great
we live in a town

302
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,342
where you can ask questions.

303
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,968
Because without questions,

304
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,095
we'd just have answers.

305
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,349
And an answer without
a question is a statement.

306
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,142
Oh, I like him.

307
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,560
He looks me in the eye.

308
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:49,853
(crowd murmuring)

309
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,104
I'd like to have
a beer with him.

310
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,189
I'm voting for him.

311
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,776
I don't understand
these people.

312
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,487
He didn't even say anything
and they're eating it up.

313
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,072
Lois, undecided voters

314
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:01,532
are the biggest idiots
on the planet.

315
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,492
Try giving short,
simple answers.

316
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,577
Sir, your question, please?

317
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:09,581
Mrs. Griffin, what do you plan
to do about crime in our city?

318
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:10,874
A lot.

319
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,459
(applause, excited murmuring)
She's got my vote.

320
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:17,631
Because that's what Jesus wants.

321
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,383
(applause, excited murmuring)

322
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,344
9/11 was bad.

323
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,804
(cheering)

324
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,138
I agree with that.

325
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,474
God, I can't believe
how easy this is.

326
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,059
Mrs. Griffin,
what are your plans

327
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,811
for cleaning up
our environment?

328
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,312
9/11.

329
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:36,108
(cheering)

330
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,360
Mrs. Griffin, what about
our traffic problem?

331
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,444
Nine...

332
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,654
(anticipated groans)

333
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:41,738
Eleven.

334
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,575
(cheering)

335
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:47,619
(raucous cheering)

336
00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:54,334
Well, the election results
are pouring in

337
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:56,170
and it looks like it's
gonna be a tight one.

338
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,337
Which reminds me, Diane,

339
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:58,922
when's the last time you...
aw, forget it.

340
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,175
Oh, my God,
I'm an absolute wreck.

341
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,634
Well, folks, this is it.

342
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:04,303
The last of the votes
have been tallied

343
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,388
and we're getting
the final results in now.

344
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,557
Quahog's new mayor is...

345
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,058
Lois Griffin.

346
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:13,478
(cheering)

347
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,439
Aah...!

348
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,816
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!

349
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,360
Oh.

350
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,445
Were we done cheering?

351
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,529
Ha.

352
00:14:27,159 --> 00:14:29,703
Well, Mrs. Mayor,
how do you feel?

353
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,663
Oh, I'm a little
nervous, Brian,

354
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,165
but mostly I'm excited

355
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,708
about all the good
I'm gonna get to do.

356
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,001
Wow, look at you.

357
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,378
All that power and you've
still got that body.

358
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:40,464
And the first thing
I'm going to do as mayor

359
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,757
is clean up Lake Quahog.

360
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,592
Well, I know the people
will support you, Lois,

361
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,843
because you connect
with them.

362
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,929
Like Disney connects
with its audience.

363
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,430
You da cow!

364
00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:50,098
No, you da cow!

365
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,434
Wow, Disney gets us.

366
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,564
And I think we all realize
the importance of stopping

367
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,192
the environmental damage
being done to Lake Quahog,

368
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:03,362
which is why I'm proposing
a very modest tax increase

369
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,655
that will help us to...
(groaning)

370
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:05,739
(booing)

371
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,032
No, no, no, that's awful.

372
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,784
No, no, no,
I'm not okay with that.

373
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,369
No new taxes!

374
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,995
ALL (chanting):
No new taxes!

375
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,580
No new taxes!

376
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,082
No new taxes!

377
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,876
But what about the terrorists?

378
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,044
(audible gasps)

379
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,713
That's right, terrorists.

380
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:25,467
We have intelligence
that suggests that...

381
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:29,012
Hitler is plotting with...

382
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,098
with the Legion of Doom...

383
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:34,476
to assassinate Jesus...

384
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,270
using the lake as a base.

385
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,355
(frantic murmuring)

386
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,650
ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile,
at the Legion of Doom...

387
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,194
How did she discover our plan?

388
00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:48,073
Me, Solomon Grundy, kind of
dropped the ball on that one.

389
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:51,076
And we also
have evidence that...

390
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:55,122
Darth Vader tried to buy
yellowcake uranium...

391
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,875
from unwed teenage mothers.

392
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,877
Those things
all sound scary.

393
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,920
How much money before
it can feel safe again?

394
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,839
Um...

395
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,465
a hundred thousand?

396
00:16:05,549 --> 00:16:07,676
(excited murmuring)

397
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:08,760
I threw a ten.

398
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:10,179
See that ten there?
I threw that.

399
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,937
At the top of the news,
Lake Quahog is once again clean,

400
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,815
thanks to the efforts of newly
elected mayor, Lois Griffin.

401
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:24,443
We now go to Asian reporter,
Tricia Takanawa,

402
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,861
for her slant on the story.

403
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,029
Thanks, Tom.

404
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,864
Once again, happy locals

405
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,200
are frolicking in the waters
of Lake Quahog.

406
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,493
And we're here
with their reactions.

407
00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:35,996
Sir, how does it feel
to have the lake back?

408
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:38,123
Well, I'll tell you, Tricia,
as a local resident,

409
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,583
I feel like I can
once again

410
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,251
take pride
in my community.

411
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:42,836
I think this is really
gonna revitalize tourism.

412
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:43,921
And--

413
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,005
And if you look around,

414
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,382
I think even the wildlife
is starting to come back.

415
00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,301
And, you know, that's something
we haven't seen in a while.

416
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,761
I think we're going to be
seeing a lot more of that.

417
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,262
Hey, you guys.

418
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:55,849
Mom, everyone on TV says
you're running the town great.

419
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,310
Maybe you can do some
damn laundry once in a while.

420
00:16:58,393 --> 00:16:59,478
What?
What?

421
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,855
Wow, Mom, is that
a new purse?

422
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,357
Yeah, that looks pretty
expensive.

423
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,776
Well, don't tell anybody, Brian,

424
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,861
but I was a little naughty.

425
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:09,947
I may have dipped into
the tax surplus.

426
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,657
Wait a minute,
you used taxpayer money

427
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,325
to buy yourself a handbag?

428
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,285
It's no big deal, Brian.

429
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:18,288
Besides, there was a lot left
over after the lake cleanup

430
00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:21,667
and I figured maybe I earned
a little treat, huh?

431
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,503
Lois, spending even one penny
of that money on yourself

432
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,629
is incredibly unethical.

433
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,923
Oh, come on,
it was only $600.

434
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,716
My God, that's more than I spent

435
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,844
to go see that prizefight
in Vegas.

436
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:34,596
I thought you said we was
going to see Hairspray.

437
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,223
Bitch, I thought
I said just shut up

438
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,683
and be lookin' fine.

439
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,399
What the hell's up with
these rolling blackouts?

440
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,942
Well, since Lois
is the mayor,

441
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,944
I'm allowed to reroute
all the town's electricity.

442
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,153
What'd you do that for?

443
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,531
So I could reanimate
the corpse of Jim Varney.

444
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:53,991
Howdy, Vern.

445
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,618
This is some dad-gum nice
house you got here, Vern.

446
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:58,328
That's Vern, V-Vern,
Vern, Vern.

447
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:01,832
Oh, wait, wait, it was John
Belushi, that's who I wanted.

448
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,709
Peter, how could you...?
Way ahead of you, Brian.

449
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,544
My mistake,
I'll take care of this.

450
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,464
Hey, Jim, come out
in the yard,

451
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,800
will ya?
Sure thing, Vern.

452
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,013
(gunshot)

453
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:17,806
He got the shotgun, Brian!

454
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,057
Don't ask me
how he did it,

455
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,350
but Jim Varney
got the shotgun!

456
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:21,435
Run for your life!
What?!

457
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:22,519
Run!

458
00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:31,904
Excuse me, how much
is this coat?

459
00:18:31,987 --> 00:18:33,155
It's $4,300.

460
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,406
Oh.

461
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,866
Do you think
you can give me

462
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,618
a little mayoral discount?

463
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,204
Well, I think you're doing
a great job, Mrs. Griffin,

464
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,580
but my boss would kill me.

465
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,664
How's everything
going out here?

466
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:44,041
Fine, Mr. Voorhees.

467
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,585
Good. 'Cause if you
screw up, I'll kill ya.

468
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,837
Hi. Bob Grossbeard,
Quahog Oil.

469
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:50,797
I'd like to buy you
that coat.

470
00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:52,174
Really?

471
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,968
All I ask in return
is that you let my company

472
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:57,054
do just a little bit
of dumping in your lake.

473
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,764
This guy don't sit
right with me, Lois.

474
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,057
He don't sit right with me.

475
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,851
But I just cleaned
up Quahog Lake.

476
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:04,728
Do you want
the coat or not?

477
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:09,816
I want the coat.

478
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:10,901
Excellent.

479
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,694
Then we have a deal.

480
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:15,989
Ugh, Brian's gonna be really
upset when he finds out.

481
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:18,200
Eh, I'll just take him
for a ride in the car,

482
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,326
he'll forget all about it.

483
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,162
(sniffing)

484
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:23,789
Wait a minute,
I know where we are.

485
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:24,957
The park is near here.

486
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,208
We're near the park, Lois.

487
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,710
Oh, that's the tree.
I peed on that.

488
00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:30,587
Hey. Hey, Lois. Lois.

489
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:31,797
There's another dog in that car.

490
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,131
H-Hey, hey, hey!

491
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,675
There's another dog
in that car. Hey!

492
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:36,426
Are you seeing that?!
Hey! Hey! Hey!

493
00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:38,804
Other dog, (bleep) you!

494
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:44,977
Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf
of the Quahog Oil Refinery,

495
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,479
we would like to thank
Mayor Lois Griffin

496
00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:49,356
for our newest waste pipe.

497
00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:56,488
Let the dumping resume.

498
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:05,789
Hey, Jake, how long can you
hold your breath under water?

499
00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:07,499
Longer than you.
Check it out.

500
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,045
(screams)

501
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,505
Aah! My face!

502
00:20:13,589 --> 00:20:16,175
(screaming)

503
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:22,890
Lois, what the hell
are you doing?

504
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,684
Remembering who I am,
you crook.

505
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,436
Oh, I'm a crook, am I?

506
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,271
What about all the money
you embezzled?

507
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,648
You want people to
find out about that?

508
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:34,610
You better play ball, or we'll
find someone else who will.

509
00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:36,236
I'll play ball.

510
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,696
You know what,
West?

511
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:39,281
You can have
your job back.

512
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,159
Politics does terrible things
to good people.

513
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,285
Good for you, Lois.

514
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:45,162
You wised up before
it was too late.

515
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,664
I was so consumed by
power and money,

516
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:50,250
I became the very thing
I set out to destroy.

517
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:53,128
Hooray!
I'm mayor again!

518
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,214
Don't we need to have
a whole new election?

519
00:20:57,508 --> 00:20:58,800
There.

520
00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:00,761
Now no one will
have heard him say that.

521
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,137
We all heard
him say it.

522
00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:06,725
Anybody else hear anything?

523
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,560
My wife did.

524
00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,146
(gunshot)

525
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:18,153
♪